Sunday, January 20, 2008

Old Habits

I'm tired. I'm tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I wish that I could just crawl into a hole and sleep for a few days. A big part of me would like to talk about my feelings, but caution should be used on the World Wide Web. They are dark and frustrated and will be much less strong when I'm feeling more rested. Time is a great healer and in few days, I'll be my own self again. And no, they're not about what some might think...there's more to my life than interfering in someone else's life. That situation's been resolved and I'm at peace about, I believe, are they.

So, I thought that this blog, being about weight loss, should show my low times as well as my high times. I posted earlier today about reading and how everything else gets left at the roadside when I become engulfed in a story. Well, I'm beginning to understand why I looked the way I did in high school...fat. My plan today was to get some exercise today while my little ones were napping. Well, my 2 yr old didn't wanna nap...and I don't like to go on the treadmill when he's awake...doesn't seem safe. So, I thought I'd pull out my hour long Pilate's video that I've been meaning to do and see how well I've progressed on my core strength. But then it happened...I saw my book. "Well, I'll just read one chapter maybe". An hour later, I was still on my but. Then it was too close to the time baby was supposed to wake up, so I may as well keep reading til she wakes up, right? And while I was reading, I managed to eat 10 points worth of cheap, waxy chocolate...that I didn't even enjoy. Sigh. Wouldn't be so bad, except I only had 9 points left for the day. So, now I'm down to -1 points and it's only 4pm. I have some low point, low sodium soup downstairs in my freezer, so I'll eat that for supper and I'm not too concerned. But it's interesting how one old habit can somehow influence my behaviour.

I fought with myself for a bit with that old, self destructive thought that I've blown it now...I may was well really blow it. But I won't. I've made myself a cup of "Moose Munch" coffee from Harry and David's. Yum. No points, lots of flavour. Hopefully the caffeine'll give me a push of energy...or at least I won't feel quite so tired. I may or may not do some AP's tonight. I'm really not in the mood for trying to make up for my moment of weakness. But I do have a tight back, which would likely be helped by some physical activity.

My kid's are watching Car's right now. And my baby's little toy piano is broken and I can't get it open...hopefully my husband can fix it when he gets home. Overtime is a great thing to keep our budget balanced...but I miss him today. I wish he was here.


  1. oh honey, I know just how you feel. And if you ever need a safe venting place you know where to find me. Love you.

  2. Okay I have to comment one more time. And if Tara can do it 3 times, maybe so can I right? :o) You are doing so awesome - only 9 points of accidental chocolate isn't actually that that bad, you know. And your attitude is just incredible as far as not blowing the rest of the day too. I hope the rest of today was okay for you.
    When I joined WW, there was a story that I heard at one of the first meetings that always stuck with me - its about a lady who was washing her good china one evening after a nice dinner. She accidentally slipped and one of her best china plates shattered all over the place. And you know what she did? She said, well to heck with it, if one is broken, they may as well all be broken, and so she proceeded to smash her good china one peice at a time until it was all gone.
    Then of course, the moral of the story was that we can be like that with our points and our pounds - if we gain a couple of pounds back we might say to heck with it and give up and gain them all back! So, I always try to tell myself when I have a bad day (or week) (or pregnancy!) to not smash all the good china.
    Sorry for the novel-type comment... just wanted to say that you are totally inspiring me and I'm so proud of you!!

  3. aww gorgeous, im so sorry you are having such a blah day..

    wish i could find a way to help you ..

    *sending you virtual hugs***