Friday, January 9, 2009


I've been avoiding blogging because I haven't been able to keep myself together foodwise. But I can't stop. I must keep on going or else I've given up. And I haven't given up.

And you know what I'm realizing? I eat out of rebellion. Yup. I mean, I knew that about myself. I did...when I was in high school. But I'm in my 30's now. I should be over rebellion by now. But, apparently I'm NOT. I've been eating for the sake of eating. Because I shouldn't. And now I feel fat. And I will be soon if I don't stop this self destructive behaviour.

While I'm on the topic...since rebellion seems to be a human condition...why does MINE have to be something that's self destructive??? Why can't I offend people on purpose. Or pick fights with people I don't like. Or...see? I can't even think of a rebellious behaviour right now that wouldn't be self destructive in some way. Instead, my rebellion shows up on my hips. Blah.

Blah, blah, blah.



  1. Ohh I understand. But you have to remember that you CAN do it. Hello look in the mirror, you have lost a lot already, and you CAN maintain this. Me I am just starting out, well once my treadmil gets here.

  2. Is there a kind of rebellion that's not self-destructive? And what, precisely, are you rebelling against?

  3. I was thinking that last night, Colin...I don't think there is any un-self-destructive rebellion. Interesting how that is.
    What am I rebelling against? Good question...guess I'm rebelling against being the best me I can be? Or...maybe just what I SHOULD be doing. I SHOULD take care of myself, therefore I don't WANT to do it.
    It's messed up, really.

  4. It's such a mind game, isn't it? The battle is totally about how you perceive yourself (for me anyway) - once you win that part, the rest is a lot easier.
    Blah. Blah. Blah.
    (I liked that part... I think that's gonna be my phrase for the day)...

    Don't give up Amanda... you can do this.
    And have I ever told you my story about the good china??

  5. um... is it just a teensy bit possible that you are being too hard on yourself? I know for me that when I start getting discouraged about something I start self destructing...

    it'll be ok hon. Really it will.

  6. oh no. we are going to have to pull each other out of this. i was up on tuesday so all week i am pushing my points to the limits and being mad about what i can't eat. seriously, what is wrong with me? the scale is up so it makes me want to eat! ugh.

    we are going to have to get our heads in the game or start posting what we are eating again!!!

  7. hey you! where is your monday weigh in?!?!?! it is tuesday. :-)

    you are going to have to post WI results each week... the good, the bad, and the ugly! no avoiding us in blog land...

  8. hey Amanda,

    oppositional is the "therapy" word for it. And yah, i've got it lol.

    one key thing that works for me when i remember it is to replace "should" with "want".

    i should get on the treadmill. feel your jaw set and your mind start reeling for something, anything else to do instead because you are just too busy for that silliness you know..

    I want to get on the treadmill today. I want those endorphins. Feel your shoulders relax and maybe a little happiness as you remember the endorphins.

    Don't put it on your to do list for the day. Don't think about it, plan it, argue it..Nike nailed it, (and its why its still around)..Just Do It.

    If you Just Do It (eating carrots instead of chips) you don't have time to argue yourself out of it ;)