Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Here we go...again

Well, overall I'd say that yesterday was a success. I was OP with a couple flex points! Yippee! And it wasn't that bad.

I feel like I'm two different people. I'm the girl who loves food and can happily munch away all day, everyday and feel like herself. Food is like a companion for me. A comfort. And when food becomes that important and when one's body is overfull, exercise becomes not only difficult but uncomfortable as well. I am a size 2x.

I am also, however, the girl who is balanced and can listen to her body. I love to exercise and love how I feel when I've had a good workout. I like feeling my quads. I love not feeling full and lethargic all the time. I am a size medium.

So, then why oh why can I not just be girl #2 all the time??? Why is it so darned easy to slip back into the old habits? How does one gain almost 20 pounds in less than 2 months??? And go up a clothing size.

It's crazy.

But I suppose it's also just life. Since my resting point seems to equal weight gain and laziness, I don't have the option of resting. Not for the next while anyways. I keep hoping that this whole moderation thing will just stick and I'll magically become naturally moderate, but if I'm honest with myself...that likely won't happen.

The last time I got down to about this weight was before I had kids. I was down to probably the low 170's, then I gained a few. Then I decided that I must lose 20 pounds...which I never did...I think I gained more...then I got pregnant...during which time I gained 70 pounds...then I spent the next 5 years bouncing around between 220 and 270.

My current situation seems eerily familiar. So close to goal and needing to lose 20 or so. Except this time I will NOT get pregnant. I feel the need to approach things differently this time. So I've been working on remaining calm and not panicking that I will end up back in the 200's. It's not a race and so I will simply continue to pace myself and focus on being healthy. And COUNT. And exercise. My goal will be about a pound per week and I'll start keeping track on the blog next week.

If I don't try to lose...two things will happen. First, I won't fit into any of my clothes that I love. Second, I'll probably gain more.

So, here we go again!

p.s. Guess who set the table this morning at breakfast with only a tiny bit of complaining! hint: it wasn't me!


  1. yesterday's post made me smile..man, our kids teach us something new every day don't they?

    You are not going to go back to being in the 200's..no way, no how. From what i've read (all over the place) its normal to be panicking and worrying about it..gaining weight back does happen often. But you have a fabulous support system and a strong will.

    I see success all the way for you!! And not just in getting Will to set the table;)

  2. Yay Willem for setting the table!!
    AND Yay Amanda for not just being girl #1, but having girl #2 as an option. Way too many people go through life not realizing that they can even become girl #2, so I'm very proud of you.
    Also, YAY to you for realizing that you're gonna have to fight this on a continual basis. That's what I've realized for me too - that its like being an alcoholic who can never again have a sip of wine... we will have to forever be on our guards in our addiction to food. But at least we know how to do that.
    And you know how to lose those 20 pounds. You can totally do it.
    How did today go?? I've decided the holidays are over and I have written everything down so far for yesterday and today... it sure is tough, but it is so worth it.
    Anyway, this has turned into another book-like comment... sorry.
    Hope you have a good evening!