Thursday, October 8, 2009


I received my first really negative comment today from someone regarding Finleigh being in school. A fellow mom gave me her opinion in no uncertain terms today. And now, I'm pretty sure, Finleigh is the object of her pity due to having an unloving mother.

I'm familiar with this mom. I've seen her around town, here and there, for the last couple of years. She tends to be doing something like cutting someone off or being completely oblivious that she's in someone's way. To be fair, she runs a daycare out of her home, so I've always seen her surrounded by kids...which means she's got more on her mind than watching where she's going. I reminded myself of this when she cut me off once at swimming lessons when I was pregnant with Finleigh.

Usually I drop the kids off at school and leave, so I don't get much of a chance to chat with the other moms. However, today was picture day and given my children's history with cameras and not posing very nicely in front of them, I decided to stay and help out with my kids. My two little ones seemed to do well, though I felt like a bit of a fool sitting a child that looks like a toddler up for pictures that were for preschoolers. The photographer was wonderful though and didn't make one comment about how odd it was.

The offending mom, on the other hand, did not have that same sensitivity. After the pictures, the rest of the class went for a bathroom break and I stayed with Finleigh because she wasn't exactly being cooperative. For some reason this other mom was hanging around too. And then it came...the question.

"She seems awfully young to be in school. How old is she?"

"2 1/2".

"Why do you have her in school?"

I went on to explain that she's not talking yet. To which she shook her head (Yes, she shook her head at me!) and informed me that her son didn't talk until he was 3 and that I shouldn't have her in school.

I wanted her to leave but since she was intent on sharing her opinion and I couldn't leave because I still had Finleigh, I tried to explain that she was tube fed as a baby and that she has other issues too. I don't do rude very well, and thankfully there was a distraction that ended the conversation.

Whatever. I don't even know why I'm upset because I could not care less what that woman thinks. Except that I found myself defending a decision we'd made that I still doubt from time to time and this just adds a little extra doubt to my mind. I'm the mom that didn't put her first child in preschool at all. I'm not trying to put my daughter on the fast track or make her gifted or teach her to read early. No, I just want to give her the best start we can given her current disadvantages.

And I want my daughter to talk!

And I don't care that your son didn't talk until he was 3! What on earth does that prove?

It was like the dad of a 2 year old that told Brian the other day that if we were just patient, Finleigh would talk because his daughter didn't start talking until she was 18 months and they started worrying and then she just started talking. So, we should just be patient and Finleigh will talk soon.

Which she probably will one day, but with an almost "profound" speech delay and her meeting her other milestone a year or so late, I think that she could use some extra help.

So keep your opinion to yourself lady. I'm having a hard enough time with this as it is.


  1. ah honey, I SO understand. You are doing the exact right thing for Fin and that other lady doesn't know what she is talking about. Parents with neurotypical kids sometimes just can't understand why we do the things we do. And you know what? They don't have to understand but it sure would be nice if they kept their unsolicited advice to themselves. gggrrrrrrrr

    You are a wonderful mom and you ARE giving Fin the best start you can. None of us ever knows for sure we are doing the right thing all the time. Fin is happy and loved and that is all that matters.

    Hugs to you dear friend.

  2. i love you manders and you are a WONDERFUL mom...i have had garbage thrown at me too by other moms. don't let it get to you. i'll be praying.

  3. Amanda, you are a great Mom. Don't let one selfish lady put a sliver of doubt in your mind about your decision.

    Love you lots.

  4. You are doing the best possible thing for your child. No one can predict the future, but if you didn't put her in school you would always wonder if it would have helped. No one else can decide what is the best thing for your child but you. And no one else is going to have o liv with the choices you mak but you an your child. So don't allow those critical voices to get you down. :)

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  6. Dear Opinionated Other Lady,

    You Suck.

    Everyone Who Knows Amanda Better Than You

  7. Amanda, I have no idea how i got so far behind on your blog! wow. i was thinking about you today and missing you and then looked at your blog in my reader and there was 12 posts!

    sorry that you had to deal with that difficult woman. i hope things are better.