Sunday, April 25, 2010

Don't know what to do

Pretty sure that by the time my children have grown up, I'll have exhausted this topic.  And I've already used the words "I don't know what to do" more times than I care to count.

I've talked about Finleigh's tantrums before.  How she loses it over seemingly insignificant things.  You know, like when you smile at her.  I'm not even exaggerating.  I think that she may have a difficult time reading other people's facial expressions and tone of voice?  Maybe?  Or not, because sometimes she acts just fine.

She's not really talking yet.  She's definitely improving and there was a day last week where it seemed like she was naming everything.  Not in clear words, but you could sort of hear the word when she pointed at the object.  (My instincts tell me there's something going on with her hearing.  We have an appointment on Friday with her pediatrician to hopefully get a referral to an ENT).  And yes, I'm sure that her inability to adequately communicate with us is not helping the problem.

But I can't help shaking the feeling that there's something more going on.  I just wish I could figure out what.

Sometimes that unknown scares me.

I'm sure she's probably just delayed and that she'll eventually come into her own.  That her stubborn nature will pull her through, even if it means that I'm not allowed to try to help her practice her words or guide the learning process because there's something about me trying to interact with her on my terms that just doesn't work.  That's why she's in school at her tender, young age. It leaves me feeling useless and like I'm not doing enough for her.  I question myself all the time and wonder what more I could be doing.  Is it the lack of stimulus and practice at home that has her so far behind?

I'm sure that she'll eventually use the potty so we can say good-bye to those tiresome diapers even though she'll sit on the potty for her teacher's aid and for her daddy, but never for me.  How am I supposed to potty train a child who will sit on the potty for everyone but me?  You hear that argument that they won't be going to kindergarten in diapers, right?  Well, Finleigh's different.  She might.

This by the book girl has been thrown a curveball with two definitely not by the book children.  I've embraced it and am willing to look at things from different angles.  I've walked away from the book now and while I still look for advice and guidance, I have to think things through on my own.  I've given up trying to look good in public because it's not always possible anymore.  And I've accepted that there's no easy fix.  It's a long, hard road.

That said, I wish I knew what (if anything) is wrong.  And I really wish I knew what to do.


  1. ya.

    I can't wait to see you in person again so I can give you a great big hug! I don't know what to do either. :)

  2. Ugh - that must be so frustrating when she'll let other people help her, but not you. I know Elan does that to me too - especially with the potty - and it drives me nuts. Its sounds like you are an AWESOME mom. So don't beat yourself up. I'll be hoping/praying that she can get in with a great ENT soon. (And for the record, even with "normal" children, I still say that I don't know what to do at least daily... but I know its not the same) (and I'm sorry if any of this comment was insensitive, I'm sure not meaning to be!) HUGS.
    p.s. I like the font sizes and stuff - its cool - makes me want to copy you (as per usual) :o)

  3. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Know that we love you all and pray for you and your kids daily. You are a great mom and I admire your perserverance and tenacity when it comes to your kids.