Thursday, August 1, 2013

It's barely past noon.

Don't let my calm exterior fool you - although I'm beginning to wonder just how calm I appear - for you see, I am a ball of nerves.

Pretty much all the time.

It's why the doc, this morning during my appointment, upped my dose.

Finleigh and I had back to back appointments this morning with different doctors at the same doctor's office (husband and wife team, they're pretty awesome). The appointments involved a meltdown from Finleigh when her doctor tried to offer her a sticker before she had her blood pressure taken and then an impromptu pap smear for me, which Finleigh was amazingly good for, if not a little nosy. "Mommy have her vagina checked?" I could not for the life of me get her to sit by my head. The student resident told me there was no medical term for "knot in my stomach." And then Finleigh had another freak out because, when we were leaving, I asked her if she wanted to walk down the ramp or the stairs. The ramp, of course. No, the stairs. No... waaaaaaaaaa (child on ground, minus her shoes, covering her ears, crying). So, I picked her, and her kicked off sandals, up and carried them down the stairs and to the car.

It's why, when I got home from said doctors appointment I had a little mini meltdown and had to sit for about 5 minutes before I could function again.

It's fun to be me.

And when Finleigh actually went missing in the grocery store later, I did not panic. I sent one son one way to look for her and sent the other son another way, while I finished paying for groceries. Then I parked my cart and methodically looked around. Surprisingly, she was not behind the Starbucks counter, which was my first guess, since she is obsessed with "Coffee Starbucks". So, the boys started panicking. Oh no! We've lost Finleigh!!!!!

We finally found her, walking down one of the isles, about to grab some yogurt, because apparently the two containers that we bought were not going to be enough. I'm an old pro at looking for a missing Finleigh, so I don't panic anymore, but it was a very long three minutes until we found her.

At least she hadn't been hit by a car.

So we carried on and took the boys to the barber. With less than a week to go until we go on holidays, they both needed cuts.

Must keep up appearances, you know.

And we survived that with no real disasters. So, I can't complain about that, now, can I?

Now, Finleigh's at respite and I have time to breathe. I spent most of yesterday's respite time sleeping, today... I will attempt productivity. Or at least be around for my boys. Because it's only barely past noon here, we still have almost a full day to go.


  1. I am grateful you have a good doctor. I am grateful you have helpful boys. I am so very grateful you have respite.

    I love you Mander.

    Anxiety sucks!

  2. It is amazing that you went as long as you did without meds. Studies have shown that those who are especially sensitive and creative are far more prone to anxiety and depression. Does that make you feel any better? Maybe not. But it is clear that you are very sensitive and creative and I think those are wonderful qualities. Anxiety DOES suck!