Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I'm having a bit of emotional day. There are several reasons. The biggest is the news I found out last night about a friend from college. She was in a car accident with her mom and her mom was killed. To top that off, she's 6 weeks pregnant...hopefully baby's okay. It's a sad story, but I keep thinking about what a ray of sunshine she always was in my life at school. I mean honestly, she was one of the most encouraging people I've ever met and I just hope that sunshine doesn't go away for her. We've lost touch now. I heard this news from a mutual friend. I just hope she's okay. That she doesn't lose her light. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.

My daughter has become quite proficient at pulling her feeding tube out of her nose. So, we're leaving it out when she pulls it out until her next feed. I know that there could be so many worse things in the world to have wrong with her, but I'm feeling very weary. And a little worried. But mostly weary. It would be so nice to feed her like a normal child. You know, bottle, spoon. Something other than formula in a tube down her nose. But what's worse? The ugly yellow tube taped down on her face being pulled out all the time? Or another surgery where they cut a hole in her abdomen and into her stomach and a tube through there. Or a child who struggles to breath all the time because there is food sitting where it shouldn't be? I just want to be able to feed my baby girl chocolate cake on her first birthday. I wish I knew how long this was gonna last. We were supposed to be done with this by now. How long is this gonna go on for? If someone could just tell me how long this is going to go on for, I might be able to hold it together a little bit better. But I have no idea how, when or if this is going to end.

Okay, that's it. I feel a bit better now. Hungry (and no, not just munchy, but genuinely hungry) and I've already eaten more than I usually do by this time everyday. I just checked the calendar and my suspicion was confirmed...I'm PMS-ing. This usually means an increased appetite and a tendency to cry. Hmmm...


  1. its ok to have good days and bad days,like you say take it one day at a time- have you been able to get in contact with your friend? I imagine its a really tough time for her....good luck with your daughter and her feeding- I've worked with children with feeding tubes before and it can be a challenge!! Keep positive!

  2. hey honey!

    thanks for commenting on my journal..i guess i can finally come out of the closet and say i've been stalking yours as well LOL!!

    i love the way you post pictures throughout your blog and now that i've installed firefox I am hoping to do the same!

    I am AMAZED at you!! A mom of 3 under 5 year olds and still holding it together??!!! I tip my hat to you honey!!