Waiting

I appreciate the public health care system in Canada. I really do. I appreciate that we can be taken care of with little or no cost to ourselves. I appreciate that it didn't cost me one penny to deliver my 3 children, even when one was an emergency C-section. I appreciate that I can take my children into the doctor when they're sick. That my daughter's tube feeding supplies are covered. That she's had a bronchoscopy and spent 5 nights in the hospital...at no cost to us...except for getting there and hotels while in the city. I've always been very proud of being Canadian and our health system.

But today, I'm wishing for a way to bi-pass the public system and get some attention NOW. We were told in December that my baby needed an MRI. In fact if our previous pediatrician had been on the ball, we should have had one in the fall or even the summer. But nope. December it was suggested by our Ear, Nose, Throat guy. And we waited and nothing happened. Finally, last week we saw 2 doctors who saw the need for immediacy. And today I was called with our MRI date...April 18th. 9 weeks away. So much for immediacy.

I'm sick of waiting. Sick to death of it. I just hope that another 9 weeks of waiting doesn't negatively effect her development in a permanent way. She's already so far behind.

I remember about 8 years ago, a co-worker had a breast cancer scare. She had to wait over a month to get the testing done that she needed. I remember thinking how unbearable that must have been. It made me mad then that something like that would happen. Luckily, she was fine...but still.

Now I'm hungry and supper isn't started yet and all I want to do is sit down with a big platter of high fat, high sugar, low fiber foods and pig out until the pain in my stomach overtakes the pain in my heart. Licorice, ice cream, chocolate, real potato chips, French Onion chip dip by Nalley, cheesies, pizza, fuzzy peaches, nachos and cheese and salsa and full fat sour cream and maybe a vodka cooler or 2 or 10. Or a nice glass (or bottle) of white wine. I tried the wine once...it didn't help. Thankfully, though I'm addicted to food, I likely won't find myself addicted to alcohol...it doesn't agree with me that way.

The food doesn't help either. So I won't go there. I won't. I'm going to get up now and put the rice on and take my aggressions out on the poor innocent slab of pork tenderloin I have in the fridge. That should help. I have some carrots in the fridge, maybe they'll tame my hunger while I wait.