Guilt

I've been struggling to get my exercise in the last few weeks. Part of it is because I'm not getting to bed on time. Between decorating cakes, making cards for teachers, going out to scrapbook, a movie on TV and the sun not going down until after 10pm (no joke...I do live in Northern Alberta) I'm not seeing my pillow until far too late. Part of it is because I'm just not as motivated. Which I knew would happen. I just knew that if I started getting up in the morning, it wouldn't last. I'm not giving up yet...but this was not unexpected given my past track record. So, I'm not making my AP goal. Because I'm not making my goal...I'm beginning to feel guilty. Which I think is silly because I've lost the majority of my weight earning less than 10 AP's per week, yet here I am...feeling guilty.

The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I was doing it with a friend and we were following Weigh Down. Heard of it? It really worked for me, but only because I had NOTHING else going on in my life. I'm not sure it was sustainable. Anyways, the wife of our boss that summer made a comment that made me want to slap her...and I wasn't even in the room. You see, she just couldn't understand why anyone would have to pay money to lose weight. Simple science, just eat less, exercise more. REALLY???? Is that how you lose weight? I had no idea that's how our bodies work. Thank you very much for that constructive comment - you've changed - my - life.

The thing she didn't understand is that a person's relationship with food often goes deeper than that. There's more to weight loss than simple self control. One of my biggest issues with food, for as long as I can remember, is guilt. Now don't get me wrong, guilt can be a very useful thing. Without guilt, we'd all just do whatever we wanted and our world would be an awful and chaotic place to live in. However, it can also lead to a very vicious cycle. Vicious! I eat too much for whatever reason and then I feel guilty. Because I feel guilty, I eat more partly to make me feel better for being so 'dumb' and partly because I've screwed up now...so what does it matter? And it goes on and on and on. And on.

One of the things I think that's allowed me to be successful in the journey so far is letting go of that guilt. If I eat too much (which seems to be happening more and more lately) I forgive myself and move one. One of the things I've enjoyed about counting points with WW's is that I have a concrete measure. I can eat that chocolate and if it's within my points...I don't have to feel guilty. I know how much exercise I have to do to burn off a certain amount of calories. I can monitor what I'm taking in and guilt is removed from the equation.

Now, as for my guilt with the exercise. I don't think the exercise is making me lose weight. It's allowing me to eat more, yes. It's firming me up, yes. It's getting me into better shape, helping me feel better about myself and giving me more energy, yes, yes and yes. But if I was only exercising I'd not be losing weight. So, I need to drop this guilt and continue to plug away. I'm not giving up...I need to finish this thing.

At the end of the day it is about eating less calories than you burn, but success requires much more than that.