First, I must apologize for not treating you as consistently as I know you'd like. I'm sure you'd like that regular exercise I keep saying I'm going to do and all that sugar isn't helping anything either. I suppose I should mostly make amends for the trip to McDonald's last night. That in itself wasn't so bad. My usual cheeseburger and small fries, while not ideal...would have been okay. It was when I ended up eating about 3 times that amount of food. Did I really need a medium fries, and half of my husband's Angus burger with cheese and bacon on top of my usual cheeseburger as well as a Rolo McFlurry??? Really, I know it was uncalled for and I will especially apologize to my intestines...I'm sorry...honest.
I've had a talk with the brain and with willpower. They've been told their performance needs to improve. While their position is secure...as I could not fire them if I tried...their end of the year bonus is in jeopardy and they need to pull up their socks. They've assured me that they will be on their best behaviour from now on, so I'm hoping that this will help.
But really Body, you're not all innocent in all this. When I was losing all the weight and being healthy with all my good, old fashioned hard work - and by the way, not exercising you so hard that you were always sore and making sure I didn't injure the knee or anything. When I was losing all that weight, would it have killed you to leave a little more fat in the chest area and taken it from the butt and thighs instead? How hard would it have been? The work you've done on those cottage cheese thighs leaves a lot to be desired, Body. For the most part, I've given you what you need in this last year and a half...could you not return the favor? I've come to terms with the non-round belly button. I can live with that and all those stretch marks and the hangy skin around my midsection. I'll even claim some of the responsibility. But the thighs and that butt??? Come on.
So, I'll tell you what. I'll work on keeping the brain and willpower in check. I'll feed you the proper fuel you need. I'll also get you a good amount of exercise and toning. You work on shifting some of that excess weight up and we'll all be happy.
Your loving owner,