Tuesday, May 4, 2010

One of those evenings...

Last night was not a great eating day.  In fact, one might consider it a disaster.  One does not lose weight by eating disastrously on a regular basis.  So this is not good news.

I did well all day.  It was my day off from exercising (cuz I guess that's important or something), so I did not earn any AP's.  And I'd already finished all but 6 of my FLEXPOINTS.  After supper, I think I had 3 POINTS left.  Brian was working nights, so after I had tucked the kids all in, I headed directly for the kitchen and proceeded to eat at least another day's worth of calories.  Probably more.  I don't know what came over me, I was just determined to eat and so I did.

Okay, maybe I a little bit know what came over me.  Self pity.  You see all weekend I was feeling crappy.  More of this stupid stuff, which got me thinking that I really should cut out coffee and pop again.  But, I don't want to give up coffee (Diet Pepsi on the other hand, I'm willing to lose).  And the thing is that coffee and Diet Pepsi are two very important parts of my success in my weight loss.  I can have a small breakfast in the morning and a cup of coffee and be satisfied for quite a while.  Take coffee out of the mix and regardless of the size of my breakfast, I'm roaming the kitchen at 9:30am for a snack because herbal tea just doesn't do the same thing.  Diet Pepsi is always saved for the evening, but it's the same kind of thing.  I hadn't had coffee that morning and I struggled all day.  I lost my resolve after supper because I've been thinking that I really need to try going gluten and dairy free for a while too to see if that would help.  All this not being allowed to eat stuff makes me crazy and I start feeling sorry for myself.  I felt crappy anyways, what was another two thousand or so calories?

What I've found is that feeling deprived and losing weight do not mix.  Nope.  Doesn't work.  At least not for me and definitely not over a long period of time.

So I'm having a bit of a conundrum.  It seems that I can only have one or the other... give up the foods OR stay on track.  I could do both for a very short time, but the thought of doing it forever?  That makes me fail before I've even started.  I'm trying to stick with moderation for now, also difficult but much more do-able.

In the mean time, I had a small cup of coffee this morning with my breakfast and ran 2.5 miles this afternoon.  I could try to make up for last night's indiscretion by eating less the next 3 days, but then I might always be in debt and constantly trying to play catch up.  Instead, I've forgiven myself and started fresh today.  Though I may sacrifice my AP's.  Guess well see how committed to seeing a loss I'm feeling tonight after my daily points are gone.


  1. ya... feeling deprived makes me quit before I even start!

    Hugs to you.

    I think it is good you forgave yourself and just started fresh. That is important.

  2. As you said in a previous blog there is a lot to about the mental discipline it takes to brake habits, and convince ourselves we can do it. I know you can do it! cause you did it!