Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The grocery shop

You just want a couple things. You could probably make it to payday, but you're out of cream, dammit, and you want to be able to enjoy your morning coffee.

So, you stop at the grocery store on the way home. You know you're in for fun when you look behind you and see that your SMS'er is almost asleep.

"Finleigh! Wake up. We're here."

"No go grocery shopping. No wear shoes." she states, as if what she says has any bearing on what's about to happen.

You explain that if she doesn't want to wear shoes, that's fine. She can ride in the cart. But as soon as she's in the cart, she wants to walk, so you help her with her shoes and she gets out.

Oh, how wonderful would it be if she would just stay in the cart. But staying in the cart leads to a crying session and somehow corralling your child around the store feels like less work than listening to the screams. 

Strawberries, apples (hopefully they'll be better than the last woody batch you bought - they were disgusting), and bananas. Must never forget the bananas.

She pushes the cart into a man. Sorry. 

Finleigh grabs some cucumbers. Okay, fine. We can use those. Then she tries to lift up a watermelon. 


You catch her just in time. 

She babbles loudly as we walk. It is impossible to stay invisible with this child in tow. 

Every few steps she grabs something that you won't buy. No, put that back. No, you don't like those. No, those are way too expensive. No, that's crap. 

Fine, we can get some Bear Paws. What is it about Bear Paws? 

Milk. CREAM. Okay now all is right with the world.

A quick stop for some yogurt and cheese - both on sale - score. Then bee line to the checkout. Which is lined with candy and gum and magazines. No, no, no Stop touching. No, please don't push the cart any further. 


You pay, only half paying attention to the pin number you're punching in as you make sure your daughter doesn't get too far away. Or shoplift something. Or break something. And then she takes off her shoes, so you put them back on. 

You say a distracted thank you to the cashier as you tell your daughter that no, we are not going to "Coffee Starbucks." You just barely kept the grocery bill under the budget, no money for $5 drinks. Plus? You don't want to spend another minute in public with your daughter who as you walk out the door with, suddenly kicks off her shoes and sits down, refusing to move. 

"Is this how we're going to play it? Put on your shoes."

"NO." and as you walk over to retrieve one of the shoes she flung a couple meters away, she pushes the grocery cart out the door. You lunge and catch it just in time before it goes flying down the parking lot. 

Feeling the fool, you pick her up and put her and her shoes in the cart - good thing there's room with only a few groceries in there. 

Then she throws a shoe out. You pick it up and put it out of range. The next shoe goes flying a little further and you're tempted just to leave it there but then you'd be out a pair of shoes. 

Oh, for the love of God, please don't let there be too many people watching this. 

You make it to the car with only a crumpled receipt as anymore damage (aside from your crumpled pride). 

Into the sweltering car, you load your delightful child and groceries and you drive away, trying to take a deep breath, but having a really, really hard time getting the oxygen down where it needs to go. 

Then suddenly, silence. She's asleep. And then the breathing comes more naturally. 

Was getting the cream worth it? I think so. At least we're home now. And she's still asleep. 

So, there's that.


  1. Ugh. I had a situation yesterday at the post office - your mom sent me some coffee and I was picking it up and Vaughn systematically started pulling everything off the racks and taking the debit machine off its stand and the post office guy was just losing his mind. I told him the sooner he got me out of there the sooner my son and I would leave and he just needs to calm down.

    I know a little of what you are going through, as Vaughn has to touch everything and if he gets a chance, he'll stick it in his mouth. I can't even begin to tell you the number of things I had to buy because he stuck it in his mouth. Or the parmesan cheese shaker at the pizza place - he licked the top of it. I don't know how to get him out of it and it's so embarrassing.

    So while my issues are not on the scale of your issues, you are not alone and know that I too have anxiety EVERY time I take Vaughn somewhere, I never know what I'm going to get.

    1. mmmm. I'm drinking that coffee right now. Savouring every drop - with my CREAM!

      Thanks for the giggle. Parmesan shaker. So funny. And yes... Finn's done that too. Oh the challenges of parenthood.

      On the bright side, I've noticed that Finn's immune system seems to have gotten stronger from all the mouthing she's done. She doesn't get sick nearly as much as she used to. I think her body has been exposed to every germ known to man.

      Love you!