It's cloudy and overcast out. It matches my mood. Melancholy. Tired. Gloomy.
There is a chill in the air this morning. It tells us fall is here and winter is coming in quick order. I will miss the grass this year. I will miss being able to walk outside without a coat. Or boots. Or gloves.
I don't hate winter, but I am dreading it this year. If the way Finleigh has been in the mornings is any indication, many fights will ensue. Just getting her raincoat on this morning was nearly impossible. And there was no way she would wear her shoes. As I wrestled my daughter's coat on, my mind fast forwarded a month when I would have a heavy winter coat and boots on... fighting my daughter with her own heavy winter coat and boots. I imagined how hot I would be all bundled up, still in the house because if I didn't get myself ready first, Finleigh would have all her winter stuff off before I managed to get bundled and then we'd have to start all over anyways. Coming back to present, I was glad that its still above freezing outside.
So out we went, her backpack in my left arm, her 40 pound body under my right. Her shoes dangling from my fingers. My boys waiting sullenly in the car, frustrated from the morning they'd just lived through. For you see, she'd been on a rampage this morning. Things were thrown at the breakfast table - though thankfully we avoided any spills. Nate, Finleigh's new favourite object for aggression, was chased around the house. And there was a great deal of yelling and crying and gnashing of teeth coming from their little sister. Thankfully, mommy kept her temper, so there is that.
When we got to school, the boys bolted out of the car as I assured them that I really did love them and hoped they'd have a really good day. Finleigh, well, she'd calmed down enough for me to put her shoes on before we got out of the car. But when it's -40? Well, then it just sucks putting on boots, just to walk the 50 meters into the school. And really, I've gotten permission to park in the disabled parking spot at school, so it's not so bad. I suppose. That she took her shoes off twice between our car and the school door before I picked her up and carried her in was just icing on the cake of an unpleasant morning.
No, wait. The real icing on the cake was the look of death I got from the mother whose child had the unfortunate timing of being mere centimetres from Finleigh's flailing arms when she lost it in the boot room. Luckily, I caught her arm just in time to avoid a collision. And guess who got to carry her 6 1/2 year old into her grade 1 classroom?
So now, here I sit, once again frittering away my day. Trying hard not to dwell on all the things I'd like to change, but can't. Willing myself not to sit here brooding and feeling sorry for myself. Working up the mental energy to sit down and actually get some school work done.
I need to accomplish something, dammit. Or at least shower. Its been far too long since I've showered. So, I've indulged my need to complain by writing this little post. And now I will shake off the residue of the morning and try to lose myself in my books for a few hours.