Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Behaviour help...

I'm feeling sad today. Forlorn? Tired? Melancholy? Pensive?

Ya. Probably all those things.

I met with a behavioural psychologist today. Or whatever it is that he officially is. He's a psychologist who focuses on children's behaviours. Difficult behaviours. He gets called in when all the other professionals don't know where to go or what to do. He comes in and observes and then helps us figure out what to do. And then helps us implement the what to do.

It is good. I like him. I think he's going to help us. I hope. He's not very familiar with SMS. But he didn't try to offer me any answers when I met with him today. He just showed what his approach is and then listened to me. That's good. I've had enough suggestions from people. I now need real, solid help. I hope that's what this will mean.

But there's a certain difficulty for me needing this level of help to deal with my daughter on a regular basis. To get her dressed. To get her out the door. To get her to bed. To get her to do homework. To get her to have a bath. To get her not to hurt her brothers. To get through the day without chaos and anger. Yelling and biting. Throwing and hitting. The difficulty is the frustration of needing the help. It hurts my pride. It makes me feel inadequate. Useless. Lazy. Incompetent. Because if I had just stuck to my gun, maybe she wouldn't behave as severely as she does. Maybe I wouldn't need the help. Do I give up to quickly? To I give in too easily? Am I lazy?

I dunno. But I'm sure I will find out. 

I usually feel pretty confident about my parenting, but I also know I'm not perfect and I am sure that some of what I do is encouraging some of her difficult behaviours. But changing things? Even if they will eventually make things better? Makes me feel tired. So very tired. 

At least I have the ear of a qualified professional who, from what I hear, has had some great successes over the years.

So, I guess, that's a start.


  1. hi Amanda....I always have trouble asking for help for my little guy as well....its taken a few years but im getting a little better at it....some great advice is was given was to not think of it as getting help but that you are doing research. researching all the ways to help your family. if you sweet girl had something like diabetes you wouldn't see her medication as getting try and see her therapies in the same way. your not asking for help you are getting help....I found that thought made I difference to my way of processing it all ( yep a little screwed I suppose?!). don't be too hard on yourself, this parenting gig can quite frankly suck sometimes...and then add in constant behaviour management and it can suck real hard!....anyhoo....hope this therapist can deliver the goods....Al x

    1. Thank you Allison. :) I think that's a good approach.

  2. ok listen up... you are NOT "inadequate. Useless. Lazy. Incompetent." - you have a kid who has some serious challenges! And dealing with the professionals makes us ALL feel that way ... well, it makes me feel that way anyway. I think it is similar to how I feel like I am in trouble the minute I go to the principal's office at my kids' school despite the fact that I am a grown woman. The insanity of it all.

    I hope this guy can offer you some really great help.