I was driving home today from doing a few errands and thinking about how I frustrated I am right now with my so called weight loss journey. One would think that after a year and a half of dealing with food issues and losing, oh say 85 pounds, I would have it mastered. But alas, I have not. And sometimes I feel like I'm starting from scratch. Except I have the advantage of only having to lose 15 pounds now instead of the impossible seeming 100 that I did that last time I struggled like this. Moderation is still somewhat of a riddle wrapped up in an enigma dipped in a very thick layer of chocolate for me. Just out of my grasp as a natural way of being. Always a struggle. Always work.
And then I had the thought that I haven't had in a very long time. "I wish I could just break up with food." I know many of us have wished that at one time or another. But we can't just stop eating, we must deal with food day after day after day after day. After day.
It's like the hot boyfriend who you really like and you love being with him and think about him when he's not around but if you spend too much time with him, you start to not like yourself or him. I've never had this particular type of a relationship with a man but I hear it's out there. And then you marry him and have kids and then decide you need to get out. But you can't just break up with him now. You know, ignore his calls for a couple weeks until he gives up and avoid the places he might be until he's out of your mind. No, you've got to still raise kids with him and with joint-custody you see him all-the-time. And you have to talk to him when you drop the kids off or pick them up or the principal calls from school cuz little Janey did something naughty and we all know that parents need to be on the same page. And really, he didn't want to split up, so he keeps dropping these subtle little hints. And you are beginning to wonder why you broke up the marriage in the first place. You're a little lonely and are thinking that life with him, under the same roof wasn't so bad and maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. Except that it won't be and it never will be and so you just have to keep saying no. So that you can still fit into your size 8 dress instead of the size 20 from before and respect yourself in the morning. Stupid hot, sexy ex-chocolate chip cookies!!!
Yes folks. These are the kind of thoughts I have each and everyday. And I'm sharing them with you, my 30-odd readers. Too bad the rest of the world has yet to discover the gold mine that is my brain. This stuff is gold. Pure gold.
And this is the edited version.