A new beginning...for real this time

I read a blog entry the other day that so described how I was feeling. I was looking through the newest Tastespotting offerings and I came across this. I loved this:

I am so sick. Of myself. Do you know what I mean? I'm just fed up TO HERE with
me. I feel boring, uninspired, whiny, ridiculous, apathetic, and just TOTALLY
BLEH. I feel like white bread looks. Just meh. Seriously, I wish someone could
just reach through this screen right now and slap me, wake me up. Or, bring me
pills.

I mean really, I could have reached through the screen and hugged this woman. She was saying EXACTLY what I was thinking. Not just that I was sick of life, but I was sick of myself. And was finding it really hard to get out of it.

Like impossible.

I was actually having a really good eating week this week. I wasn't counting, but I knew I was on track. You know how after you've counted points for a year and a half, you get to know what you can eat when? That's pretty much where I'm at and I was doing really good. I knew I was going to see a loss this week.

And then it happened. We got a phone call from someone very dear to us that had some difficult news to tell us. One of those random, life-is-handing-us-crap-for-no-particular-reason, I-guess-at-the-end-of-this-I'll-be-a-stronger-person type of difficult news. Crappy, crappy, crappy news. And I lost it. It sent me over the edge. I dunno. I guess that kinda stuff can happen to me and I'll take it, but let it happen to someone else I love and that's it. I get mad. And I'm completely helpless. There is nothing I can do but be there for them. And I live far away, so I can't even really be there for them. And it sucks!

After the phone call, I looked at Brian and said through my tears...let's do take out tonight. I don't feel like cooking. And so we did. Which in and of itself isn't that bad, but it was more of the intent of the take out...and that was to be bad. Needless to say, this weekend was a total write off for eating and my weight is again...up.

UP.

And I seem to be well on my way to being that beautiful plus sized gal that I was not too long ago. And that's okay...except I don't want to be plus sized anymore. I want to wear my cute clothes and feel okay in a bathing suit...etc, etc, etc...

So I need to get back at it. I don't have a plan yet, except that I will stay OP today. I will darn it, I will. I will tackle this one day at a time again. I have to.

I can't believe that my readership hasn't dwindled to nothing throughout this funk of mine. Thank you all for sticking with me...cuz I need it.

And I'm back...weight loss Amanda is back. You'll see. Check back here tomorrow for the proof.