Monday, February 23, 2009

A new beginning...for real this time

I read a blog entry the other day that so described how I was feeling. I was looking through the newest Tastespotting offerings and I came across this. I loved this:

I am so sick. Of myself. Do you know what I mean? I'm just fed up TO HERE with
me. I feel boring, uninspired, whiny, ridiculous, apathetic, and just TOTALLY
BLEH. I feel like white bread looks. Just meh. Seriously, I wish someone could
just reach through this screen right now and slap me, wake me up. Or, bring me
pills.

I mean really, I could have reached through the screen and hugged this woman. She was saying EXACTLY what I was thinking. Not just that I was sick of life, but I was sick of myself. And was finding it really hard to get out of it.

Like impossible.

I was actually having a really good eating week this week. I wasn't counting, but I knew I was on track. You know how after you've counted points for a year and a half, you get to know what you can eat when? That's pretty much where I'm at and I was doing really good. I knew I was going to see a loss this week.

And then it happened. We got a phone call from someone very dear to us that had some difficult news to tell us. One of those random, life-is-handing-us-crap-for-no-particular-reason, I-guess-at-the-end-of-this-I'll-be-a-stronger-person type of difficult news. Crappy, crappy, crappy news. And I lost it. It sent me over the edge. I dunno. I guess that kinda stuff can happen to me and I'll take it, but let it happen to someone else I love and that's it. I get mad. And I'm completely helpless. There is nothing I can do but be there for them. And I live far away, so I can't even really be there for them. And it sucks!

After the phone call, I looked at Brian and said through my tears...let's do take out tonight. I don't feel like cooking. And so we did. Which in and of itself isn't that bad, but it was more of the intent of the take out...and that was to be bad. Needless to say, this weekend was a total write off for eating and my weight is again...up.

UP.

And I seem to be well on my way to being that beautiful plus sized gal that I was not too long ago. And that's okay...except I don't want to be plus sized anymore. I want to wear my cute clothes and feel okay in a bathing suit...etc, etc, etc...

So I need to get back at it. I don't have a plan yet, except that I will stay OP today. I will darn it, I will. I will tackle this one day at a time again. I have to.

I can't believe that my readership hasn't dwindled to nothing throughout this funk of mine. Thank you all for sticking with me...cuz I need it.

And I'm back...weight loss Amanda is back. You'll see. Check back here tomorrow for the proof.

10 comments:

  1. I wish that I could reach through the computer and hug you - I've also been in a major funk and my weight loss goals have unfortunately suffered because of it.

    Take care & I'll be praying!

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  3. I come check out your blog cuz we're friends, that's all. Tomorrow is a new day.

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  4. Of course we stick with you - we love you!

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  5. The past is past. The future hasn't happened yet. All you can do is live in the present. If one day at a time is too much to focus on, try to focus on an hour at a time.

    Big hugs to you!
    H =)

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  6. i wish i could reach you... i would be that friend and slap you all the way to the gym with me so that i would have a gym buddy!!!

    just don't forget that YOU are the one that made me believe that I could do this! and now, YOU have to believe that YOU can do this...

    ONE DAY AT A TIME!

    love ya and see you tomorrow!

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  7. Looking forward to tomorrow's update. I agree with the previous comment - don't take it one day at a time - take it one minute at a time... one stinking decision at a time. You can totally do it. I know you can.
    (^_^)

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  8. ah honey, I so understand.

    I'm proud of you!

    We have Aiden's assessment tomorrow and he is SOOOO sick with asthma. I'm very discouraged about that.

    But we will BOTH get through our funks ya? ya.

    love you.

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  9. honey, i'm sorry i haven't been around, i've kind of been in my own funk. I'm so sorry you are going through this and hope that life starts treating you and yours a bit kinder.

    mostly though, i hope you start treating you a bit kinder. You deserve it.

    xo

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  10. honey, i'm sorry i haven't been around, i've kind of been in my own funk. I'm so sorry you are going through this and hope that life starts treating you and yours a bit kinder.

    mostly though, i hope you start treating you a bit kinder. You deserve it.

    xo

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