I keep meaning to post something. I look at the computer and think, I should sit down and get some of these thoughts outta my head. Then, if I do sit down at this lovely computer that is aging rapidly, I get distracted.
And so then, I don't write.
But I'm here again. I'm going to post something today. Something that confirms that I am indeed dedicated to taking care of this body of mine. And that I have not given up...though I may be walking backwards away from my goal...I'm still facing it. I will not quit.
You tell yourself that Amanda, but we're all waiting for you to do something...
Okay, so here's the thing. I love food. I love eating whatever and whenever I want. I love sitting on my butt. I love it. I hate the consequences, but this is who I am. Or who I have been for a very long time. Can I change myself? I'm not sure. I think I will always love eating. Can I change my actions? Yup, I can. Can I do it permanently? Not sure. Can I do it today? Ya. Tomorrow? Probably.
Gack. I hate this.
I remember talking to a lady when I was in the midst of the weight loss. She told me that she couldn't understand how I was able to deny myself for so long (you know, food). I told her that I didn't feel like I was denying myself. And I didn't. So, I'd like to get to that point again. How did I last time? I think it was just by doing it long enough that I got used to it.
So I just need to do it. And I will. I am today anyways.
But I will admit a tad bit of discouragement. In the back of my head I keep wondering what the point is if I can go from where I was and then gain almost 30 lbs back and get stuck in this nasty little rut I seem to be in. Great, I can lose this weight, but then what? Will I gain it back again? It makes me tired just thinking about it.
But, I will begin again...and try to keep going this time.