Monday, May 18, 2009

And we begin again

I keep meaning to post something. I look at the computer and think, I should sit down and get some of these thoughts outta my head. Then, if I do sit down at this lovely computer that is aging rapidly, I get distracted.

And so then, I don't write.

But I'm here again. I'm going to post something today. Something that confirms that I am indeed dedicated to taking care of this body of mine. And that I have not given up...though I may be walking backwards away from my goal...I'm still facing it. I will not quit.

You tell yourself that Amanda, but we're all waiting for you to do something...

Okay, so here's the thing. I love food. I love eating whatever and whenever I want. I love sitting on my butt. I love it. I hate the consequences, but this is who I am. Or who I have been for a very long time. Can I change myself? I'm not sure. I think I will always love eating. Can I change my actions? Yup, I can. Can I do it permanently? Not sure. Can I do it today? Ya. Tomorrow? Probably.

Gack. I hate this.

I remember talking to a lady when I was in the midst of the weight loss. She told me that she couldn't understand how I was able to deny myself for so long (you know, food). I told her that I didn't feel like I was denying myself. And I didn't. So, I'd like to get to that point again. How did I last time? I think it was just by doing it long enough that I got used to it.

So I just need to do it. And I will. I am today anyways.

But I will admit a tad bit of discouragement. In the back of my head I keep wondering what the point is if I can go from where I was and then gain almost 30 lbs back and get stuck in this nasty little rut I seem to be in. Great, I can lose this weight, but then what? Will I gain it back again? It makes me tired just thinking about it.

But, I will begin again...and try to keep going this time.


  1. One day at a time honey, one day at a time.


    p.s. i left you a "gift" on my blog

  2. Ugh, isn't it tough? I'm starting to really realize that this is going to be a forever battle. And I just have to accept that.
    I like what you said about facing your goal, even if you're moving backwards. Our WW leader said something almost exactly like that yesterday at the meeting. Good advice. Don't give up, my friend. Just do what you can.
    (and you've proven that what you CAN do is quite a bit...)
    Good luck with today. I'm thinking of you.