Zebra

Today's been a fly by the seat of my pants kind of day. At 8:15 am, after the kids were safely sent away to school, I thought I'd better check the calendar, even though I was relatively certain I had nothing going on.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I stood looking at my calendar, my hair greasy and badly in need of a shower, wearing my most grubby sweats, and realized that I had two meetings today... one that I'm hosting at my house... that I'd neglected to send out invites for.

The other? Well, it was in 45 minutes.

So, after sending out a few emails - with deepest apologies for such short notice, I sat considering skipping my 9 am meeting. And had pretty much decided that I would, when my husband convinced me that really? I should be there.

It's amazing, you know, how quickly one can get ready when one needs to. Shower and all.

The meeting was good. I'm glad I went. And now, I have a school assignment due. That I should be working on. And I will. But first, of course, I was poking around online for just a couple of minutes before I started and I saw Jane. And her Zebra Shiny T Tuesday. And I said to myself, "Hey! I'm wearing stripes. As unexciting as my clothes are? I'm wearing stripes. I think I'd better share that with the world. And while I'm at it... I'll post a full body shot... as painful as it is to me... because when I look at the picture all I see are those 20 extra pounds that are newly on my frame. But that's me, right now. And also? Stripes."

So, this is how I looked sitting here at my computer, getting myself prepped to finish my assignment. Except for the boots. I added the boots to try to look cool. And really? I love those boots... they're the first ones I've every had that fit me really well. I know. SO exciting. But hey, a good pair of boots is hard to find. At least for us girls with big feet and ample calves. But, of course, I wasn't standing in front of my fireplace while I was on my computer, I was sitting at my desk in a completely different room. So I suppose I should say, "this is how I was dressed," which would be a better use of language, which I could have just changed without you all knowing my error. But what fun would that be?

So, there you have it. A fly by the seat of my pants post for a fly by the seat of my pants kind of day. Jane's stripes are much more interesting... if you haven't been there yet, go over and check her and her beautiful pink hair out.

Flutter by butterfly...

“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder...”
― H. D. Thoreau

Starring at my computer screen, I guiltily clicked away from my schoolwork to give my brain a break. Not that I had actually started, so really it wasn't a break so much as a procrastination strategy, which proved very successful as an hour later I sit here typing a blog post rather than a homework assignment.

What I clicked over to was Shiny T Tuesday and it was about butterflies. And I had to participate in something that was about butterflies!

For you see, butterflies have meaning to me. It was through butterflies that my husband first chose to share his feelings for me, quoting the above quote in a note, along with a butterfly carved out of wood, which I have somewhere in this house.

And just this summer, it was this sweet charm that he brought home to me as we celebrated 15 years of marriage. I wear it everyday.

I have worn this bracelet for years, a little butterfly hanging down, to remind me of that happiness we share together. Happiness we found when we weren't looking. Happiness we found in each other.

But alas, I do not own any clothes with butterflies on them. I thought I did, but I don't. I do however have this dress with flowers flowing along the bottom of the skirt, mimicking a bunch butterflies fluttering in the wind.

Something borrowed...

Hello Shiny T Tuesday. It is possible I'm cheating this week. And as you can see, I'm purposely hiding behind my son. And... actually, I'm not technically wearing blue. But... my boys are. So...

And, it is a picture of me...

The theme this week? Something borrowed, something blue.

This picture was taken on vacation, at our rented lake house. So... borrowed. And my guys are all in blue. And most of our clothes are relatively new. And yet? All of our shoes are definitely old. From at least last year... if not longer. Actually, the sandals I'm wearing are at least as old as Finleigh... not that you can see them. They are hiding. Like most of the rest of me.

Little did I know just how pregnant this shirt makes me look. Not necessarily in this picture, but some of the others? <> But that, I suppose is that. Not the first set of family pictures where I don't like how I look. Likely not the last. 

Such a difference from when we got married. 3 kids. 15 years. Sleepless nights. Many laughs.  Our fair share of tears. So much love.

So now, pop on over to see Jane. Or if you came on over from there. Hi. Nice to have you.

Eh-hem

Oh Jane. You nearly gave me a heart attack last week when I read the theme for this week's Shiny T Tuesday.

Pin up. Regardless.

Pin up? Me? I, errr. Uhmmmm.

I went to a college where we had a skirt length rule and spaghetti straps were not allowed.

I have sons!!!

But really, we don't have to bare a lot of skin to be sexy. Sexy is about more that showing skin. Which is a good thing. Because then I would never be sexy.

Ever.

So, I started thinking. When do I feel sexy? When I'm on vacation with my husband. As we walk along a sandy beach, with the wind in our hair. I'm dressed up and in a flowy dress strolling hand in hand with the man I love, and who loves me. That's when I feel the most sexy. So I chose a vacation dress and vacation jewelry this week.

NOT that my sexuality is defined by a man. No. I own that myself and I always will.

Because, unfortunately, while our sexuality can be our power as women, it is used far too often to take away our power. We are made to feel ashamed of ourselves because we are women. Or because we do not fit a certain mould. Or because we are too old. In too many places, just being female is reason enough to not have any rights at all.

This is a problem and this is why I'm participating this week.

Okay, enough of the seriousness. Because if we have learned one thing about me participating in Shiny T Tuesdays, it's that I absolutely cannot take myself seriously when I'm posing for pictures.

So, here we go... my pin ups... let's go a little retro, shall we?

Bare (heh) with me as I play with my photo editor in an effort to take you to different decades...

So, that's it. Pin up. Regardless.

P.S. I totally smelled like a man while I was taking these pictures... my soap had somehow disappeared when I got into the shower and I had to use my husband's if I didn't want to track water all over the floor on the hunt of my more socially acceptable floral variety.

Undeniably Me

Linking up with Jane again this week for Shiny T Tuesday and I've got to say that this week was a little difficult for me. The theme is undeniably me. All the clothes I love? Too small right now. So, I looked at my uninspiring closet and wondered what I could do? I could go back to my scarves, but what else would I wear?

I thought about wearing my Pride and Prejudice shirt, but while it represents something I love - literature and specifically dear Jane Austen - it does not represent my style. I had all these ideas of me posing, reading a book. Or doing some homework - because quite frankly, that's when I feel most like myself.

Then I found it. The one sweater I can still pull off, that I fell in love with years ago. That I feel good in every time I wear it. That I've now had to mend because one of its seams tore. It's kind of funky. A little bit different. And yet comfy. It was a splurge at Anthropologie back when my weight was where I liked it.

So, I started trying to take pictures myself... because... well... my husband was rushing around and I didn't want to bother him. He's working nights and only had a few minutes before he was off to go sleep.

I maybe should stop here, because I almost look kind of cool, but he walked in on me and offered to help. And then I stopped looking cool...

He was supposed to be taking pictures of my outfit. My whole body. Instead, he only took pictures of my face.

And then he made me start laughing. I just can't take myself seriously when I'm posing in front of him.

So laughing? Kind of me.

And here's a necklace that is also undeniably me. Just a little different. Colourful, but understated. Slightly funky, but doesn't really stand out. I think it is so beautiful.

So, I guess that's my style. It's certainly undeniably me. 

Scarf on Scarf

My favourite accessory? Scarves. All winter and even sometimes in the summer, I wear scarves. In fact... they may have to make an appearance in next week's Shiny T, since the theme is "undeniably me". And... well... I would say scarves might just be undeniably me. Its chilly here today, I almost left my scarves on, they were so comfortable and felt right around my neck. But, I didn't want to get my white shirt dirty... so... I didn't because I changed back into my grubby clothes.

So, why not mix scarves together? Can't decide on one? How about two?

I must admit, this felt rushed and thrown together. We're heading out to the big city tomorrow for yet another specialist appointment and so we've been rushing around trying to get some things done.

But I managed. My hair however is not really done - clean but no product. And thanks to an incident a couple days ago, I have very little make-up to put on. So, I am au naturel. Yup. thats me in all my glory. (P.S. see my potatoes growing in the background? And I have high hopes for that plum tree I'm standing beside).

And, my friends. How hard it was not to crop my midsection out of this one. But I didn't. No, I did not.

So. Scarves on scarves. I highly recommend it. Especially when it's -40 degrees out or something like that. Now, if you haven't already, head over to Jane's and see how lovely she looks this week.

Square

I have a confession to make. I'm not much of a fashionista. It has much to do with having been over weight most of my life. This is not a feeling sorry for myself statement, it just is. Even at my thinnest weight, I had a devil of a time finding clothes that fit properly. So, I have always compensated with my love of interior decor. And as I prepared for this week's Shiny T Tuesday and linking up with Jane, I realized that I decorate in squares. You see, it really is hip to be square.

My latest excitement is the new rug that we got for the family room. It's modular and comes in squares... imagine that.

But my friends, do not worry, I did not chicken out. I am embracing my body. I am embracing who I am. I am committed to sharing myself - overweight or not - in order to accept myself. I am beautiful. I know that. As much as I'd rather hide and bask in the loveliness of my new area rug, I won't.

Can you see the square on my shirt?

It's there, even if it is embracing my curves.

And I love this necklace  So lovely and shimmery.

Even my hat boasts a square or two.

I don't have access to fabulous thrift shops like some do. So all my clothes are retail. The shirt and pants are Addition-elle. That hat is from Target. The boots? Payless. The necklace was made by a friend of my mom's.

And that rug that I love? Flor.

Have a lovely week, my friends. Embrace your beauty. It is there.

A dress. I'm wearing a dress.

I don't wear dresses a lot. In fact, almost never. So, when we took the kids on a warm, sandy beach vacation this winter and I wore dresses every night, my boys couldn't get over it. "Mom, you look so different." So, its a big deal... I suppose... when I wear a dress at home. Not so much when I'm away on vacation. But at home, its kind of weird.

Just before we headed out the door for Finleigh's Kindergarten graduation ceremony, I snapped this picture in the bathroom. I bought this dress for the pattern. And the style. But mostly the pattern. I love the random branches. Modern, yet earthy. Lovely. It was the kind of thing I could see myself wearing at home and not just on vacation.

I didn't even get a picture of the little miss and me on her lovely graduation day. She cried a lot through the ceremony and had to leave for most of it. She had a hard time in front of all the people. Precious love. "I try again" was her refrain after it was all over. Poor thing, she tries so hard.

The real reason I'm posting though, is to participate in Jane's Shiny T Tuesday. Jane is a fellow SMS mom and has inspired me over the last few months as I adjust to my new reality.

The frumpiness that I've been feeling lately, with my added weight and lack of desire to put any effort into my appearance, melted away when I put on my new dress, actually did my hair and put on some makeup for the first time in weeks.

So, thanks Jane. Here's my half-assed attempt at participating with you and learning to love my outside again.